This charming story could easily be playfully titled, “Don’t you respect the Countess?” It all happened at the dawn of our school’s work, in 2011, during one of the first visits of coach Marie de Tilly.
Marie de Tilly, a French countess who has been teaching etiquette for over 20 years, has traveled almost all over the world with her seminars, and is a full-time etiquette trainer at the Élysée Palace (she trains the wives of French diplomats). Before ISE, she had never worked in Russia. We were the first to bring de Tilly to Moscow in 2011 and organize her seminar.
Marie from ISE taught wonderful classes at Turandot: lectures and gala dinners that brought together Moscow’s social and cultural elite. Marie’s ideas on elegance and manners, her refined gestures and polished table manners served as a benchmark. Marie taught about social conversation, introductions and greetings, the rules of hospitality and festive table setting. She covered every detail, for example, what skirt length is appropriate at what age (in her opinion, it all depends on the shape of your legs, and age has nothing to do with it—French etiquette dictates it that way), and demonstrated how masterfully the French eat salad with one fork and how gracefully they stir sugar into espresso. We were glad that we weren’t just throwing a (fun get-together?), as those years were famous for, but were actually doing something important and useful, bringing beauty into the world. Although… There were some funny moments. We’ll never forget this one, for example. At the end of dinner, Marie was asked how to let guests know it was time to say goodbye. With a slight smile, she explained that in France, in particular, there’s a wonderful custom for signaling the end of the evening. Simply serve orange juice, and it’s a clear sign to everyone that it’s time to say goodbye. However, she explained, there’s no such custom in Russia, and it’s not entirely clear how to proceed. Several of our society ladies quietly called the waiter over and ordered not just a glass, but a glass of Black Russian vodka. The glass was brought to Marie, and the guests explained that in our country it’s customary to “drink for the road” when saying goodbye, and that they were offering her this glass of friendship as a sign of respect. Marie was confused, if not horrified: of course, this offer was completely unconventional, but refusing a drink when guests were offering it was also not comme il faut… Larisa saved the situation by declaring the enormous glass a “cup of friendship,” from which each guest should sip as a memento of the evening. Everyone eagerly began to do so, but at one point one guest flatly refused, arguing that “she doesn’t drink vodka.” But another, who had just taken a couple of substantial sips, rose from the table and asked, almost threateningly, “What, don’t you respect the COUNTESS!?” A scandal was brewing, but Larisa and Marie—no wonder they are etiquette gurus!—managed to quickly and gracefully change the subject, and everything was resolved peacefully and elegantly. Marie still laughs about that cup, though she certainly wasn’t in the mood for laughter then. And the whole story serves as an excellent illustration of the fact that one of the most important tenets of etiquette is always being able to find a graceful way out of a difficult situation. Rules are rules, but one must always be able to improvise.